I put the letter down.
“So he made me hate myself instead.”
“He said you might never open the door.”
Wade wiped his face.
“I stopped taking his calls after he left you. When he brought me the box, I told him he needed to deliver it himself.”
“Why didn’t he?”
“He said you might never open the door.”
“He was right.”
Wade didn’t try to defend him. He waited until I was steady enough to stand, then left me alone with the box.
She compared the statements with the divorce disclosures.
That afternoon, I called Patricia.
She compared the statements with the divorce disclosures. The account and some consulting income were missing.
Weeks later, our attorneys negotiated a settlement correction and reimbursement for some legal fees. I accepted without returning to court.
The money helped. But it wasn’t what kept me awake.
I kept thinking about our cottage reservation. About every cheerful conversation he’d joined while secretly planning his exit.
“She spent months believing she was the reason you walked away.”
Claire and Michael met with their father.
Afterward, Claire told me what she’d said to him.
“You had a right to leave, Dad. But you didn’t have the right to make Mom think her cancer made her impossible to love.”
Michael had added, “She spent months believing she was the reason you walked away.”
Randall told them he’d been unhappy for years.
“Then you should’ve told her years ago,” Claire answered.
“I was a coward.”
They still loved their father, but Claire didn’t know when she’d trust him again.
In June, we had dinner together at Claire’s house. Randall asked to come because he wanted to apologize in person. I agreed, provided we kept the conversation calm around Lucy.
After dessert, he followed me onto the porch.
“I was a coward,” he said.
“Yes.”
“And you let me believe it.”
“You told me you couldn’t do this,” I said. “For almost a year, I thought you meant loving me while I was sick.”
Randall lowered his eyes.
“You knew that’s what I’d think.”
“Yes,” he said quietly. “I did.”
“And you let me believe it.”
“I’m sorry, Meryl.”
I thought about the woman who’d begged him to stay, and the woman I’d become without him.
He stared at his hands.
“Can I ever earn your forgiveness?”
I thought about the woman who’d begged him to stay, and the woman I’d become without him.
“I hope you become a better man, Randall. Maybe someday I won’t feel angry when I hear your name. But our marriage is over.”
He nodded and went inside.
On my last morning, I walked barefoot to the water.
A month later, I finally took my ocean trip.
Claire offered to join me, but I wanted to go alone. I rented a smaller cottage and spent five days doing exactly what I pleased.
On my last morning, I walked barefoot to the water.
I thought I’d cry.
Then I stood there watching the waves, with nowhere I needed to be and nobody I needed to wait for.
Instead, I called Claire.
“What’s it like?” she asked.
“Cold,” I said, laughing. “And beautiful.”
Then I stood there watching the waves, with nowhere I needed to be and nobody I needed to wait for.
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