***
Before going to my parents’ house, I asked Dad to drive me home.
“I need clothes, Evie’s supplies, and my medication.”
“Do you want me to call Ben?”
Dad slowed as we turned onto my street.
Six black trash bags sat near the driveway, my new diaper bag on top.
“I’ll get everything,” he said.
“No. Come with me, but I’m going.”
Every step hurt as I walked to the bags. My clothes and postpartum supplies had been shoved inside.
I looked through the front window.
Six black trash bags sat near the driveway.
Part of Evie’s nursery was visible.
The rocking chair was there. So was the blanket Ben had insisted on buying because he said our baby deserved one ridiculously soft thing.
My key wouldn’t turn.
“Ben!”
No answer.
My key wouldn’t turn.
I called him, and his phone rang somewhere inside.
Dad stepped beside me.
“Do you want me to knock?”
“No. If he can hear his phone, he can hear me. He just won’t face me.”
I picked up the diaper bag.
“Let’s go.”
“He just won’t face me.”
***
That night, I cried beside a sleeping Evie. I still loved Ben, but I knew he was hiding something enormous from me.
The morning after Ben threw us out, the doorbell rang while I was feeding Evie.
Mom started to rise.
“I’ll get it.”
“No. I need to.”
I carried Evie to the door.
Mom started to rise.
Ben and Diane stood outside, looking exhausted.
“Please,” he said. “Let us see Evelyn. This is very important. If we don’t, we’re finished.”
“You saw her. Then you threw us out. Why are you here, Ben?”
“Liza, I need to explain.”
“You had every chance to explain. Instead, you packed my things, left them outside, and ignored me.”
Ben dropped to his knees and caught the edge of my robe.
“You saw her. Then you threw us out.”
“You don’t understand. I should have told you long before you got pregnant.”
“Then tell me now.”
Diane grabbed his shoulder.
“Ben, she won’t understand…”
I looked at her.
“You left the hospital with him. You ignored my questions. So either let him speak or explain it yourself, Diane.”
“Then tell me now.”
Her hand fell away.
Ben stood slowly.
“I had a daughter before you.”
I stared at him.
“Had?”
“She’s alive…”
My hold on Evie tightened.
“I had a daughter before you.”
“How old?”
“She’s eighteen.”
“You have an 18-year-old daughter, and neither of you thought I should know?”
“Liza…”
“Not during eight years of marriage? Not during six years of trying for a baby?”
Diane stepped forward.
“She’s eighteen.”
“He was very young, Liza. He didn’t even know what decisions he was making.”
“How young?”
“I was 20,” Ben said.
“What happened?”
“My girlfriend got pregnant. I panicked. Mom thought I wasn’t ready. I saw Claire once after she was born.”
I looked down at Evelyn, then at him.
“My girlfriend got pregnant.”
“That’s what happened in the hospital.”
His eyes filled.
“You weren’t looking at Evie. You were seeing her. You were seeing the baby you abandoned.”
He nodded.
Diane said, “We did what we thought was best.”
“We?”
“You weren’t looking at Evie.”
“Ben had his future ahead of him.”
“So did his daughter.”
Diane looked away.
“What’s her name?”
Ben hesitated.
Diane glanced at him.
Diane looked away.
I caught it.
“What’s her name, Ben?”
“Claire.”
My husband had a daughter named Claire.
“When was the last time you heard from her?”
“A long time ago.”
My husband had a daughter named Claire.
“Give me more than that, Ben.”
His face tightened.
“Four years ago.”
Four years ago, Ben and I were already married and already trying for a child.
“She contacted you while we were trying to have a baby?”
“Yes.”
“Give me more than that, Ben.”
I remembered Ben sitting beside me after another negative test, telling me we would keep trying for as long as it took.
“What did she want?”
“To meet me.”
