Ten months.
Like my body had an expiration date.
“What happens after ten months? Do I get fined? Is there a late fee because I don’t look like Jane yet?”
“Mona, stop.”
“No. I’m asking. Ten months? Eleven months? One year? When exactly am I required to look like someone who didn’t have twins?”
Daniel pointed toward the cover-up.
“Just wear it.”
“No.”
His voice dropped.
“Then honestly, I don’t think you should come.”
I stared at him.
“You’re uninviting me from your parents’ anniversary because you don’t like me in a swimsuit?”
“I don’t want to spend all day pretending people aren’t staring.”
“Who is staring?”
He said nothing.
I grabbed the beach bag I had packed.
Diapers.
Wipes.
Sunscreen.
Swim diapers.
Sun hats.
Snacks.
Bottles.
And the cover-up.
“I’m going.”
“Mona.”
“Your parents invited me personally. Your mother called Thursday. The girls are celebrating their grandparents’ fortieth anniversary. And so am I.”
Daniel shook his head.
“Fine. But don’t blame me when you feel uncomfortable all day.”
“Maybe I will. But you don’t get to make that choice for me.”
The drive took forty minutes.
Daniel didn’t speak.
The twins slept in the back seat.
I watched cornfields blur past and thought about those medals in my closet.
About the girl who once flew through water while a boy with coffee cheered for her.
I wondered where that girl had gone.
At the water park, Celeste spotted us first.
She hurried across the parking lot wearing a huge pink sun hat.
“Give me Piper before she forgets who spoils her.”
I handed Piper over.
“She won’t forget. She’s already searching for your purse.”
Celeste laughed and kissed Piper’s head.
Then she kissed mine.
“Hi, sweetheart.”
Kenneth walked up behind her.
Daniel’s father was sixty-seven, tall and quiet, a retired high-school principal.
From the first time I met him sixteen years earlier, he had always made me feel welcome.
“Happy anniversary.”
He kissed my cheek.
“I’m glad you’re here, sweetheart.”
Those words touched something tender.
I’m glad you’re here.
“Thank you. I wanted the girls to celebrate with you. Forty years is something.”
Kenneth smiled toward Celeste.
“Forty years, and she still laughs at my jokes.”
Celeste shook her head.
“I don’t. I just make the noise.”
A few minutes later, Elliot and Jane arrived.
Jane looked exactly as I expected.
Tall.
Fit.
Black bikini.
Dark ponytail.
But when she saw me, her smile was warm.
“Mona! Look at the girls! They’ve gotten huge.”
“They eat like tiny sharks.”
She laughed.
Then she looked at my swimsuit.
“I love that suit.”
I looked down.
“It’s doing a lot of work.”
Jane frowned.
“It’s a swimsuit. Its job is swimming. That’s all it needs to do.”
I laughed.
And for the first time all morning, I stopped tugging at the fabric around my hips.
Then Celeste announced another surprise.
She had hired a photographer named Sam for the entire day.
Candid photographs.
Pictures of everyone enjoying themselves.
And one proper family portrait before we left.
I loved the idea.
I wanted pictures of the twins splashing with their grandparents.
I wanted memories.
I glanced toward Daniel.
His expression tightened.
He looked at the photographer.
Then me.
Then Jane.
He didn’t say anything.
The morning was wonderful.
We took the babies to the shallow pool.
Paige hated it.
Piper loved it.
Kenneth crawled through the water chasing her around a whale-shaped fountain while she laughed so hard she got hiccups.
Sam photographed everything.
For almost an hour, I sat at the edge of the pool wearing my swimsuit.
And I didn’t think about my stomach once.
Later, Jane sat beside me.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“Were you a competitive swimmer?”
I looked at her.
“How did you know?”
“Your shoulders. Swimmers have a certain posture. And you walked into the water like you belonged there.”
She smiled.
“I swam in high school. I was terrible.”
“Two-hundred fly. College.”
Her eyes widened.
“Butterfly? That event is awful.”
“It really is.”
“You’re a monster.”
She said it like a compliment.
I laughed.
Then Jane became quieter.
“My mom had twins.”
I looked at her.
“My little brothers. She really struggled afterward. With her body. My dad used to make comments about her weight. Little jokes.”
She looked at the water.
“I think that’s part of why I became a trainer. I wanted women to feel strong. Not skinny. Strong. There’s a difference.”
I didn’t know what to say.
Then she looked directly at me.
“Your body did something incredibly hard, Mona. Two babies at once. Nobody should be telling you anything except good job.”
I swallowed.
“Thank you, Jane.”
“I mean it.”
“I know.”
Later, Paige and Piper sat with me beneath one of the blue umbrellas.
Daniel was standing by the pool taking pictures on his phone.
Of Elliot and Jane.
Jane climbed onto Elliot’s back.
They laughed.
Daniel took one picture.
Then another.
Then another.
“Daniel?”
He looked back.
“Yeah?”
“Can you take one of me with the girls? They’re being really cute.”
“Later.”
“Why?”
He came closer and looked at me.
At my swimsuit.
At my arms.
“Because you’ll make me take twelve and then hate every one.”
“I won’t.”
“You always do.”
“I just want one picture with my daughters.”
He leaned closer.
“You’re going to complain about how you look. Honestly, I don’t think they’ll turn out how you want.”
“Then don’t look at it.”
“I’ll still know it exists.”
He turned around and walked back toward Elliot and Jane.
Something inside me became completely quiet.
Not angry.
Not sad.
Just still.
Like being underwater.
An hour later, we were all eating lunch at the café.
Paige crushed a strawberry.
Piper stole my sunglasses.
I laughed while trying to get them back.
Across the café, Sam lifted his camera.
Click.
I didn’t notice.
Then Daniel approached carrying a white towel.
He dropped it beside my plate.
“Cover yourself.”
And that was where everything finally broke open.
“Why?”
“Mona. Just do it.”
“I’m eating. I’m feeding our daughters.”
“Put it around you. Cover your hips, for God’s sake.”
His eyes went toward Jane.
I followed his gaze.
Then looked back at him.
“Are you embarrassed by me?”
His jaw tightened.
“Don’t do this here.”
“You came over here.”
“Mona.”
“Say it.”
His voice rose just enough for everyone nearby to hear.
“You just don’t look attractive in that swimsuit, okay? Especially sitting next to Jane.”
Jane froze.
Elliot pushed his chair backward.
“What the hell, Daniel?”
Jane turned completely toward him.
“Did you actually just say that about your wife? And why are you using me?”
“Stay out of it.”
“You brought me into it. I was literally eating a salad.”
Daniel glanced around at everyone watching.
“I’m just being honest. Somebody has to be honest.”
I picked up the towel.
For a second, Daniel relaxed.
He thought I was going to wrap it around myself.
Like I always did.
Like I had changed dresses.
Like I had deleted that photograph.
Instead, I folded the towel neatly.
Once.
Then again.
And placed it on the empty chair.
“No.”
He blinked.
“What?”
“I’m not covering myself because you decided another woman looks better than I do.”
“Mona—”
“No, Daniel.”
Jane leaned forward.
“Mona, I swear I never asked him to compare us. I barely even know him.”
“I know. You didn’t do anything. He just thinks he’s allowed to use you that way.”
Daniel threw up one hand.
“Can everybody stop acting like this is some massive betrayal? It’s a swimsuit.”
Then Kenneth spoke.
“Daniel.”
Only his name.
But Daniel immediately went still.
Kenneth turned toward the photographer.
“Sam, could you show us that picture you just took? The one of Mona and the twins?”
Sam hesitated.
“Sure.”
He pulled out a tablet and opened the photograph.
My stomach tightened.
I didn’t want everyone staring at a photograph of me in a swimsuit.
Kenneth turned the screen toward us.
There I was.
Dark blue swimsuit.
Blue umbrella.
Piper holding my sunglasses above her head.
Paige reaching toward me with strawberry-covered hands.
And me.
Head tilted back.
Laughing.
Really laughing.
My hair was messy.
I looked exhausted.
But those weren’t the first things I saw.
I looked happy.
Kenneth smiled.
“That’s the one.”
Daniel groaned.
“Dad.”
“That’s the one I want printed big for the living room.”
Daniel stared at him.
“You know what I mean.”
Kenneth looked down at the screen.
“I see Mona laughing with my granddaughters.”
Then he looked at me.
“She’s beautiful.”
Celeste walked behind my chair and placed her hand on my shoulder.
She didn’t say anything.
She didn’t need to.
Sam accidentally swiped to the next photograph.
“Oh.”
Everyone looked.
The second photograph had been taken only seconds later.
Daniel had stepped into the frame.
He was standing above me holding the towel.
I sat in the same chair.
Same swimsuit.
Same body.
