He did not look frightened by what he had done.
He looked offended that I had made him do it.
“You think you’re too good for it?” he said.
I curled one arm over my abdomen and pressed my palm against the gown without touching the stitches directly.
The rage came fast.
It was hot, clean, and immediate.
I saw the metal stool.
I saw the tray on the counter.
For one ugly heartbeat, I imagined grabbing the first thing within reach and making him feel afraid.
Then I let the thought pass.
He had spent months collecting excuses for himself.
I would not hand him another one.
Beneath the tissue box on the counter, my phone was still recording.
Twenty minutes earlier, while I waited for the doctor, Derek had sent a text.
We need to talk before you ruin everything.
I had stared at those words until the screen dimmed.
Then I had pressed the red button, slid the phone beneath the tissue box, and left the microphone uncovered.
I had not known exactly what he would say.
I only knew he had become more careful in front of other people.
He saved his real voice for locked rooms.
Derek grabbed my handbag from the overturned chair and dumped it onto the floor.
My keys struck the tile first.
Then my wallet.
Then the orange medication bottle rolled in a slow circle before stopping near the baseboard.
“Where’s the report?” he demanded.
I looked toward the doctor’s desk before I could stop myself.
His eyes followed mine.
A thick blue folder sat beside the keyboard.
Under it was a white evidence envelope sealed with red tape.
The envelope looked ordinary enough.
That was almost the worst part.
Months of fear can fit inside something no bigger than a stack of mail.
Derek crossed the room.
His shoes stepped over my keys.
He reached for the folder and the envelope together.
“Don’t,” I said.
He laughed.
“You don’t get to tell me what to do.”
His fingertips had barely touched the top edge of the blue folder when footsteps pounded down the hallway.
Not walking.
Running.
Someone struck the door once with the flat of a hand.
“Police. Open it now.”
For the first time since he entered the room, Derek’s face changed.
The confidence did not disappear all at once.
It cracked.
He shoved the folder back into place and bent toward me.
“Tell them you fell.”
I stayed on the floor.
He looked toward the door, then back at me.
“Tell them,” he repeated, louder. “Or you’ll have nowhere to go.”
That threat had worked before.
It worked because the house was more than walls.
It was the address on my mail, the place where my medication was kept, the kitchen where I had learned to make myself small, and the only roof I thought I could afford while I recovered.
Derek knew exactly what homelessness sounded like when whispered to someone in pain.
But fear loses some of its power once it has been recorded.
The lock turned from the outside.
Two officers entered first.
The gynecologist came directly behind them, with a nurse at her shoulder.
The nurse stopped so abruptly that the rubber sole of her shoe squeaked against the tile.
Her hand flew to her mouth when she saw the overturned chair, the scattered medication, and me beside the exam table.
One officer moved Derek away from the desk.
The other knelt beside me.
“Don’t move yet,” he said. “We have you.”